Tinder
The online dating industry, including popular dating apps such as Tinder, is a $153-million-ayear industry and is growing at a steady pace.
What is driving this industry to an all-time high? According to Michelle Jetha, a psychology professor at Cape Breton University and specialist in human sexuality and social and emotional well-being, there are a number of reasons we seek the company of others.
“Many factors drive us to be in relationships. We are a social species. We need to be with other humans. The drive is in part physical and has a basis in brain chemistry. Falling in love produces a very euphoric feeling (romantic and passionate love). As humans, we innately want to connect with others.”
According to Statistics Canada, over 14 million people in 2014 used on-line dating sites. Eighteen to 34-year-olds account for 39 per cent of online dating users.
“The internet has opened a lot of doors for meeting partners and communicating with others. It’s a billion dollar industry that has been growing in part because of the money it generates,” said Jetha.
The popular dating app Tinder boasts it “impowers users around the world to create new connections that otherwise might never have been possible.” According to a dating site’s review, Tinder has over 50 million users world-wide.
Some of these sites are stereotyped as being popular “hook up” sites. Meeting partners through dating services, now done online, has been popular for years. With the internet allowing us to access a wider audience, it has now increased in popularity and has become a huge moneymaker in the process.
Traditional dating sites may not have boasted 50 million users, but they have assisted with creating life-long relationships. Linda Gratton, of St. Catharines, Ont., first used a dating site advertised in a local paper in 1985. The process was much different than using sites such as Tinder.
“Each person would go to the office of the dating service and answer many questions. Then they would input them into the computer. Then, in a few weeks, you would get a letter of the person you were matched up with. You were only obligated to spend 15 minutes with the person. If it didn't feel good, off you go,” says Gratton.
Gratton and her husband Norm did meet through a dating service in 1985 and have been married for 28 years.
Each person has their own reason for using services to assist them in connecting with others.
“My sister came to me with the article and convinced me to sign up because I was working in a hair salon with women all day and I didn't like to go to bars, so I thought I would give it a try,” said Gratton.“
Now, when using on-line sites, profiles are easily accessible and all you have to do is pick whom you are interested in.
“The first things you see on Tinder are pictures. Then, with a tap into someone’s profile, you can learn much more, including who your common friends are, what interests you both share, their job and education background, and other fun stuff the user chooses to share. This gives you context before deciding whether to swipe right,” explained information on the Tinder site.
Some users of these sites may just be looking for ‘friends with benefits.’ “Friends with benefits receive benefits of intimacy and sex, but avoid commitment and responsibilities of a relationship. Women tend to see these relationships as more emotionally involved and men put more emphasis on the sexual benefits,” says Jetha.
However, there are healthy long-term relationships that come about because of the ability to connect with many more people through the Internet and on-line dating sites.
“According to research, factors that influence relationships include: geographical nearness (proximity), similarity with respect to age, educational status, and religious affiliation, reciprocity of love, and physical attractiveness,” says Jetha.
All of these criteria can be screened even before meeting some one face to face now.
The majority of humans want to bond with one another and now the world is wide open to find “Mr” or “Mrs” right, whether for the short term or a life-long relationship.
Becoming A Mother
Laura sits in her French-themed living room. It is a Sunday afternoon. The walls are grey, and accented with splashes of red. Her artistic flare is evidenced by her home. She bought this house with her boyfriend Mike late last year. The arrangement of the home points clearly to the fact that they are expecting a newborn child. Laura constantly rubs her belly and glows whenever she speaks of her child and her hopes for the future.
Laura is “funny, caring, smart, beautiful, motivated, supportive,” said Kelly
Laura Bernstein is about to become a first time mother. Her and the father knew it was the right time for a child despite the fact they are not married. Mike Kelly, her partner, knew she was special from the moment they first met. His most memorable moment of Laura was the night they met three years ago at a pub on Locke street, in Hamilton, Ontario. He was there for a friend’s birthday. She was there after work one day and they saw each other and that was that. They have been together three years now. Bernstein said, “we knew we were each other’s other half right away.” Mike and Laura know they are going to be together forever. Laura is my match. “We are built from the same cloth,” said Kelly.
Laura is a teacher. However, she never truly aspired to be one until later in her twenties. She went to school for Fine Art and History at Guelph University and then to Niagara College for Public Relations. She then went back to school at the age of 26 to become a teacher. She was inspired after starting to teach art at her Mother’s art school on Locke Street in Hamilton. She had a student that was autistic and she saw how much the arts opened her mind and helped her with her confidence, and how that transferred to how the child acted was in school. “So I decided that if I could help one child I would go back to school and become a teacher,” said Bernstein.
Teaching came naturally to Laura. She knew it was not an easy career but she understood that she would be comfortable doing it and saw it as a way to make a difference. Laura has mostly taught junior-high students. She finds that they are a lot of fun and eager to learn. She openly admits she doesn’t like the little ones. “No, they scare me. Especially when there are too many of them. I will stick with the older children.” Said Bernstein.
Being a teacher for Laura is about being able to help children open their eyes and see things that are happening in the world. She wants to help them grow as people and be accepting to all the changes that are happening around them.
What matters most to Laura is family. She states that it is very important to her. Laura enjoys spending time with her family whenever she has spare time. She is also very passionate about art and takes time to pursue this gift whenever possible.
Laura always wanted her own child but as she grew older and she didn’t find that special person she started to sometimes think that she was not going to have children. Sometimes she thought she was just going to be the doting aunt. It’s something that she really wanted but didn’t put too much thought into.
Then as she got into her thirties she sometimes would go back and forth thinking maybe she didn’t want kids, maybe she would be content with being the being the favourite aunt. “When we finally did get pregnant it was pretty crazy that it actually happened and I was actually going to have my own. It has kind of been a process of digesting it all,” said Bernstein.
It took Laura awhile to grow up and become an independent person where she was able to make her own choices and follow her own dreams in life. She has now found that balance in her life and is ready for the next chapter.
Laura sees herself as a very caring person. “I usually put others before myself which sometimes isn’t always the best when it comes to certain things,” said Bernstein.
She is a very loving person and can be emotional and she admits that she thinks that everyone can be emotional. She believes this comes from the example her mother has set for her. She is also not afraid to voice her opinion if she doesn’t like something then she will voice it. Laura hopes her son will also be like that Bernstein states.
In September Bernstein found out she would be having a boy. Everyone was thrilled, including her boyfriend. When he cut into the cake a saw it was blue icing “he fist pumped and he was high fiving all of the guys” said Bernstein. The baby is going to be the first grandson on her side after five granddaughters so her parents are also beyond thrilled, especially her father.
Laura is going against tradition with having a child before marriage, however she still wants to get married to her partner in the future. She knows that they will and are willing to wait. “A ring is not really going to change our relationship except for what I would call him,” said Bernstein. She even joked about waiting until the baby is two so she can have her body back for the big day.
The baby is going to be a mix of backgrounds and cultures: part Jamaican, part Jewish, part French Canadian, part American, and part Catholic. It is very import to Laura for her baby to know where he comes from. She plans on exposing him to Judaism because of her father's background. However she plans on raising him more in the Catholic religion. Bernstein also stated he will be baptized. Mike is from a very religious family and while Laura wants to honour her own lineage, she also values what is important to Mike's side of the family.
Laura hopes he comes into this world healthy. That is all she truly wants is a healthy baby. She hopes her son is able to grow up and be accepting of others and follow his own dreams, be they academics, sports or the arts. The second most import thing for her is she just wants him to be a good person, to want to give something back. Laura wants to focus more on showing her child that there is a lot happening in the world and that there is a lot of need instead of just providing her child with every toy and thing. “I want him to have an open mind and see different perspectives and just to grow up to be a great person,” said Bernstein
Laura feels the most important life lesson she will teach her son is that if there is something that you really want in life then you really have to work for it. She believes that nothing is just going to come without hard work. Growing up, people are going to go up against obstacles and people that will try to make you change your mind or make it difficult for you to achieve goals. She states that she wants "him to know that it is okay to take a risk and fail but if its something you really want you need to figure it out and get back at it.” She openly admits that this is the greatest life lesson she has learned. Laura wants her son to learn that early on.
Laura wants her child to always know “that he is loved, that no matter what silly choice or mistake he makes that love for him won't change. No matter if we were upset with him or disappointed it wouldn’t change the fact that he was always going to be loved and he would never have to worry about that ever leaving,“ said Bernstein.
Laura says she hopes he comes out healthy. She hopes he is able to grow up and be accepting of others and follow his own dreams. The second she wants him to be a good person, and wants him to give something back. “I want him to have an open mind and see different perspectives and just to grow up to be a great person,” said Bernstein
Becoming a mother is a very instinctual process and Laura is already a complete natural with kids. She has applied her own Mother’s inspiration to teach and help children grow to her own life.